Sex, Sex, Sex, Lots of Sex!

Hello again everyone! 

This week we'll go with everyone’s favorite last-resort network, ABC Family, and their current money-maker, The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

From what I’ve seen, The Secret life of the American Teenager was created for one of two reasons: 1. to talk about the important and serious issue of sex and teen pregnancy, or 2. to scare the shit out of every parent in America.

If somebody had ever told me not to watch Secret Life because it was only going to be about sex, I would have bet them that they we were wrong. Maybe they will deal with a few story arcs of sex, maybe even half a season will deal with the idiosyncrasies of sex, but the whole thing would not be about that; that’s too predictable, too obvious. There are more secrets in a teenager’s life than sex. Well luckily nobody ever told me that so that I could not bet them because I would have been dreadfully, dreadfully wrong. Practically every other word in this series is “sex”; its everywhere, like a villain stalking the shadows behind someone, whispering its name as they go: “--sex--”. I remember hearing and talking about sex in high school(“--sex--”)but damn! It makes me feel glad that I was out of the loop back then.

Secret Life was developed a decade ago by 7th Heaven creator Brenda Hampton, who first pitched the idea to FOX. Since it was a show that dealt with teen pregnancy and the ever-present issue of sex in high school(“--sex--”), FOX naturally and conservatively rejected it. After being rejected by the CW network and Lifetime(which baffles me), Hampton finally landed the project on ABC Family. Ironically, the original title for the show was going to be The Sex Life of the American Teenager (“--sex--”)but was changed when it was discovered that Googling that title brought up a bunch of pornography websites.

The show centers around 15-year old Amy Juergens, who goes to summer band camp(oh band camp), loses her virginity and subsequently gets pregnant(oooooh band camp). She, and the father-to-be, must then learn to deal with the consequences of her actions. Along the way, Amy discovers that she’s not the only one who is currently dealing with major issues.

As usual, everyone in high school is. The students of Ulysses S. Grant high school in Gloucestor, Massachusetts are raging with hormones(“--sex--”), but as we learn more about them, we find that hormones are the least of their problems, or should be. Head cheerleader Grace Bowman has taken a vow of abstinence until after marriage and medical school, an announcement that her football-team-boyfriend Jack does not like at all; school “bad boy” Ricky, in addition to being the father of Amy’s baby, must struggle with his commitment problems, as well as his domestic-abusing, child-molesting, drug-addicted father. He is seen in therapy quite a good deal during episodes of this show. Geek-with-rich-father Ben, and Amy’s REAL boyfriend, must learn to live life without sex(“--sex--”)and also support Amy(for those of you who are familiar with Lizzie Mcguire, Ben’s a lot like Gordo). And, of course, no high school is complete without its more…well…sluttish characters. In this show, so far, there is only one. Her name is Adrian Lee, and she likes sex(“--sex--”). She’s also an excellent student, and has a missing father whom she finds mid-way through the series.

In addition to the high school crowd, there is an army of adults and parents, lead by long-time teen pregnancy awareness activist Molly Ringwald, who plays Amy’s mother.

When the show premiered, it was received well by ABC Family audiences all across the country. Of course, that did not stop critics from bashing the crap out of it right from the start. Most major newspapers, unsurprisingly, find the show cheesy and unsophisticated, whereas critics in small places like Orlando, where family values and happiness are actually practiced, absolutely adore it.

I feel as though ABC Family has a secret agenda of some kind here. Maybe they are transmitting subliminal messages underneath the broadcasting signal or something
(“--sex--”), because its hard to believe that what people see and hear on the surface is purely what the writers want people to hear and see. If, during my young, innocent years as a high schooler, I pulled my parents aside one day and told them I was having lots of sex, two things would be true: 1. I would be lying., 2. My parents would be shocked, get mad, tell me to stop and never do it again, ground me, and, over time, grow to accept what had happened and(maybe!) let it go. Other people’s parents might forbid them from going on dates ever again, or send them off somewhere to get some help---basically a fearful reaction and a lot of worry. However, things are apparently different on this show. When their kids tell them that they are having sex, the parents reactions are almost the exact opposite. I’m half-expecting them to say “That’s ok. Is it nice?”. All in all, I guess it really isn’t a bad thing to see parents be so accepting. I can imagine teenagers would want that, which could be the message that ABC Family is trying to send out to parents. That, and I’m sure that a network with the word “Family” in it would not want fearful, aggressive parental models to be broadcast nationwide, unless they are locked up in the show.

My only other problem with this show is how quickly the characters jump from one trait to another in the blink of an eye. An example would be Adrian: in one episode, she’s crying and comes to the revelation that God is telling her to stop having sex; then, in the next episode, we see a scene after she’s just had sex again, and she’s happy, content, possibly even proud of herself. This kind of “trait swing” can be seen in the other characters as well. I just don’t fucking get it.

Believe it or not, I actually like this show for what it is: cheesy and dramatic. When I watched my very first episode of it, I scoffed at how ridiculously over-the-top the entire script was. I had to stifle a laugh at some of the acting(I cut them a lot of slack though. It was hard being a teenager; I can’t imagine what it must be like to have to act like one). I was about ready to fart in the general direction of the television when all of a sudden one of the actors from the show appeared on the screen, smiling and beckoning me to support the National Campaign to Prevent Teen & Unplanned Pregnancy, as well as telling parents and teens who might be watching to communicate with one another about sex. It was then that I started to like this show. I watched another episode after that, and found myself suddenly forgiving all the cheesiness and drama. It reminded me of something.

For my generation, shows like this were over before we even got into high school. Seeing this brought back memories of shows like Family Matters, Saved by the Bell, and Boy Meets World. I remembered the Tanner family wishing everyone at home a Merry Christmas and happy new year; Zack, Kelly, Slater, Jessi, Screech, and Lisa urging me not to drink(even though I don’t think some of them actually followed that advice). It brought back memories of Cody Lambert, Carl Winslow, Steve Urkel, Mr. Cooper, the Midnight Society, knowing all of the lyrics to the Fresh Prince song, Snick, Clarissa Explains It All; fuck, even Nickelodeon Roundhouse. All of those old shows were cheesy as shit, and dealt with issues that our generation have long since come to terms with. But we loved them anyway. Back then, WE were overdramatic and cheesy. Had Secret Life premiered in the beginning-to-mid-nineties,

it probably would have risen to more prominence than now. The critics, mostly, are right in that Secret Life is not very sophisticated, but so what? It’s pandering to a whole new generation in which sex is much more out in the open than it was back when we grew up. Most of the kids who watch this show probably have seen the new “Transformers” movie and seen Megan Fox in shorts that are more than snug on her, and they’ve probably seen god knows how many reruns of Sex and the City on basic cable.

Overall, I give Secret Life a “thumbs up”; maybe not for things that people think I should praise it for, but so be it. It has a goal, it’s not afraid of that goal, and its talking to its audience, both on the show and face-to-face. I miss shows that used to do that. For all we know, it could be to this generation what Full House and Step-by-Step was to ours. In any case, it is a good outlet for teenagers, especially teenage mothers or mothers-to-be, who may be afraid to share what’s going on in their minds, and may be looking for something—or someone—who can relate to their issues. Now if only the writers could come up with more ideas than just sex.

Try it out. Who knows, you may like it.

Ciao.

P.S. (“--sex--”).

Way Waaaaaaay Up High

Hello again everyone! Since LOST is not coming back for nearly an entire pregnancy, and will more than likely give birth to a whole new set of mewling things to review and pish-posh about, I have decided to keep at reviewing things so I do not lose my touch, nor my incriminating blank stare at the television. For those of you who wished that I had a shorter leash, I’m not sorry to say that I don’t. So until I see the LOST “eye” again, I will be reviewing other television shows that I have been exposed to recently, and they will not exactly be the shows you expect.

This week we tackle a show that has already run the gamut, but still has a profound effect on everyone who watched it: That 70’s Show.

That 70’s Show was created in the mid-nineties by writer-producer team Bonnie and Terry Turner. They also worked with writer Mark Brazill. After trying to name the series after two The Who songs, one Traffic song, and then one Steely Dan song, the writing staff stopped pulling their hair out and simply decided to call it That 70’s Show. Being in the seventies was a huge element of the show in the beginning, as it provided a bold view of a decade stuffed to the brim with political events like Watergate and feminism; technological advances like the TV remote and Pong; and Star Wars, which gets its own line in this review.

Star Wars.

The seventies element didn’t last long however. Like all television shows, once That 70’s Show became highly-rated and the writers realized that they could have their marijuana and smoke it too, they lit up and kicked the seventies element so hard on its bare ass that a large red mark could be seen there as it fell from grace straight down to the bottom level of creativity known as “backdrop.” In addition to firing the seventies element, the writers also did away with any dramatic elements, making every storyline comedic from the second season on, even the most serious stuff.

The series is set in the fictional, run-under-your-desk-and-as

sume-the-Atom-bomb-position-because-it-will-always-save-you suburb town Point Place, Wisconsin. It follows the lives of 7 “average” teenagers; the Star Wars-loving, skinny “twizzler” Eric Forman; the goofy, not-so-smart ladies man Michael Kelso; high school cheerleader Jackie Burkhart; Eric’s feminist and non-girly girlfriend Donna Pinciotti; his laid back, drug-using best friend Steven Hyde; and the perverted but hilarious Fez, who is a foreign exchange student from a country that is never identified. In addition there are a slew of adults—Eric’s well-intentioned-but-never-shows-it father Red; his heart-of-gold, “don’t-forget-to-change-your-underwear” mother Kitty, and Donna’s parents, Midge and Bob Pinciotti, who can’t seem to face the fact that the 70’s will eventually end.

The show premiered in 1998 on the FOX network, and immediately caused controversy when the very first episode showed a scene of the four boys allegedly smoking marijuana in Eric’s basement. Teenage drug use was an element that the writers wanted to specifically address since…well, it’s teenagers in the fucking 70’s! What else was big in the teenage world then? “Well we wanted to write a show set in the 70’s that has to do with teenage dr---I mean…uh…that has to do with teenagers dealing with…the impact…of…the invention of Post-it notes.” Leave it to FOX to broadcast a show involving marijuana and sex but reject a show about teenage pregnancy and sex. That decision certainly sheds some light on what the network producers do in their downtime.

If it is one thing that That 70’s Show proves, it is this: character is EVERYTHING. This especially applies to sitcom. Plot, structure, and writing are important, but without strong characters, nothing can go anywhere. This duty mainly falls to the actors, but the writers must learn to use what their actors give them creatively; if an actor gives them something to expand on, their job is to take that and create something new and interesting, and then the actor can expand on that as well, creating a “leapfrog” momentum that continues to put the character into interesting situation after interesting situation. Sometimes when an actor decides to leave a show, it is because they feel as though their characters have run their course and no longer have anything substantial to contribute.

Well, if it is one thing That 70’s Show does not lack, it is apt actors and writers. The cast, who were a bunch of unknowns at the time they were given the roles, work brilliantly together, and make That 70’s Show a truly fun primetime sitcom. While they certainly embrace(d) the stereotypes their characters were written as, each of them possessed the talent to light a fire under the stereotypes’ asses in a way that was remembered by the audience. The acting was believable and straightforward, though Ashton Kutcher(Michael Kelso) gets points shot off for acting like himself all the time. What I loved most of all about it, though, is that it was subtle and well-balanced. Not even Kelso’s immense stupidity was overplayed too much, nor was Eric Forman’s nerdy-ness.

Character is definitely what made this show shine out amidst the clusterfuck of primetime. However, there is a huge part of the show that I personally believe is severely underrated. Normally, writers of television shows take a dunk on the structure of their show. One can always identify a well-thought out show by the number of recurring elements within the shows action. These elements can vary from lines of dialogue like Joey’s “whoa!” from Blossom or environments like Mr. Feeny’s classroom from Boy Meets World, which is one of the first places seen in that series and is the absolute last place seen at the end of it. It is usually within these elements that audiences begin to build strong connections with the show. That 70’s Show is a masterpiece of recurring elements. The show’s use of split-screens to juxtaposition two characters with the same problem, the characters’ dream sequences which depict their vivid imaginations, and the water tower sections that usually end with one of the kids falling off the tower--usually Kelso. All these elements add wonderful flavor, but the shows signature element is, by far, the Circle: scenes where characters would sit in Eric’s basement and engage in conversation, under the influence of drugs. The camera would swing around in a circle, stopping at every individual as he/she speaks. To create the effect of drugs, the producers used thick clouds of theatrical smoke and a wide-angle lens. To prevent clashes with the network, the writers made sure to avoid any visual appearance of marijuana, matches, and water pipes. If the drug has to be referred to at all, it was referred to as “stuff” or “stash.” This segment became critical to the show as a narrative technique to streamline the flow of dialogue, along with becoming one of the funniest segments in any episode, especially when one of the gang was awarded ‘the Stupid Helmet”. At the end of the seventh season, the kids were finally caught by Eric’s father.

My only problems with this show are nit-picky ones. For starters, the timeline takes a few tokes from a fat joint in that the series is supposed to take place from 1976-January 1st, 1980, yet there’s a Christmas and Thanksgiving episode in all 8 seasons. Then there’s the character of Jackie Burnhart, who I find entertaining and adorable, but she’s just…there. She doesn’t seem to do much. However, I have seen maybe two dozen assorted episodes of the show, so that statement can easily be retracted at a later point in time. My other problem is that I do not agree with the writer’s decision to split up the “power couple” Eric and Donna simply due to a long distance relationship.

That’s all though. While my sense of humor is broad, I can easily see why a good deal of people despise That 70’s Show but in the end I think that ends up being good for the show itself. It certainly was not afraid to stand out amongst the crowd, and is truly a well written and well structured piece of entertainment, as well as being one of the last great nineties sitcoms. However, my sympathies do go out to all those caring parents and police officers who lives were made more frustrating by the existence of this show.


Ironically enough, if you would like to watch this show, you can find reruns of it on ABC Family.

Ciao.

LOST---The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Finale!

Okay…..::rubs hands together:: season finale, what we have all been waiting for: a hydrogen bomb explosion, the answer to the Rose and Bernard problem, a little less punishment for the Dharma Wacky Monkey’s Organization, and a few deaths.

The Good:
1. I applaud LOST for finally achieving the goal I had hoped it would get to: they took the series a different way. Too bad it only really happened at the end.

2. I like the choice that Rose and Bernard made. It seems perfect for them and Vincent, and was a nice up-beat scene compared to the rather depressing end this season took.

3. The action sequences in this finale were well executed, and it was nice to see some big-scene action finally make its way onto this show.

4. Another big thing this episode accomplished is that it finally put a semi-clear face on the Dharma Stinky Cat Litter Manufacturers. I thought from the beginning of this season that they were digging to find out where the huge pocket of magnetic energy was on the island. It is now clear that they found it by accident. So at least now we know their intentions were probably not hostile(not that that says much on this show).

5. We finally saw who the fuck this Jacob guy is.

The Bad:
1. We finally saw who the fuck this Jacob guy is. Now if only he could have lasted more than ten minutes. While I’m on the subject…do you mean to tell us, J.J. Abrams, that all this time: making over 80 episodes, going through webs and webs of storylines and destinies, and Dharma shit, and telling us histories and woeful tales of people’s lives, and watching people get killed in cold blood; all of that was just so some jealous character could get back to the island and kill Jacob? I’ve heard of humans going to extremes to get what they want, but I, personally, would rather not waste 80+ hours of my minimal television-watching time on some asshole character trying to find his “loophole”. Seriously, that entire Jacob “loophole” story sounded like a broadcast of Rover’s Morning Glory on 100.7.

2. Was it really necessary to show us Jacob’s travels throughout the Losties lives?


3. Jack’s entire reason for wanting to drop the bomb and potentially kill them all was just so that he could get Kate? Throughout this entire season I have been beginning to wonder whether or not the writers of this show remember that Jack is a DOCTOR. Sure, he has gone through enough to make him go crazy and maybe abandon the ethical codes he’s sworn to uphold, but given his past I would not think he choose to go THAT far.

4. Goddamit Kate! Your presence has now taken on new levels of destructive qualities!

Purgatory:
1. Juliet’s apparent death. It was tremendously sad, especially when she fell down that well.

2. It looks like Jacob and the first people on that island were Egyptian, because I am pretty damn sure that that is the statue of Anubis on the beach.

The Ugly:
1. The shock level of this finale did not live to the hype I had been given. For starters, Locke’s body in the box was not that shocking, at least not to a science fiction fan. Changeling/shapeshifters are common in science fiction; although I do not know how that jealous guy managed to do that. However, the bomb explosion added a nice ending touch to the finale. It also indicated that the series may change direction in the next season.

2. I am frightened for the sixth season, though. Jacob, Man of Mystery who is currently being burned to death, appears to be the good guy(though I may be wrong about that). Since he is most likely dead, that means the bad guy only remains. I have a feeling season six is going to be dedicated to killing him in classic Star Wars-ish, Wagnerian fashion. While that tickles my human yearn for action and adventure, I question how original season six will be. As for the bomb storyline…I do not know. That one probably belongs more in Purgatory than here.

3. So why do people watch LOST then? Though it survives by pulling the ole’ carrot-on-a-stick routine, LOST is genuinely interesting, and it does offer insights into the human condition. Though Abrams may be bad at hiding his secrets to making a successful TV show, he does a very good job of mixing geek culture and pop culture together.

Recap of Season 5:
After starting out with one of the worst two hour premieres in television history, LOST picked itself up mid-season and keep the pace going nice and even. We watched the Oceanic Six deal with the pain and struggle of being away from the island, saw the island jump through time without an agenda, saw Walt again, watched John Locke die, got an insiders glance at the Dharma Gin and Tonic Club, found out how Ben became “Ben”, got in a little action here and there, and finally found out who the fuck Jacob is(was) in a B- season finale. All in all, a good season of LOST.

Wrapping up:
I have not decided yet if I am going to continue these reviews in season six. That is, honestly, going to depend on how the season six premiere goes. These reviews have helped me hone my review skills a little bit; they’ve at least helped me identify the things I am lacking. As I look back on them, I have indeed noticed that I probably did not really need to do any of these, especially since my only audience was the people I tagged and/or any random person on Facebook who stumbled across them. Nevertheless, I felt and still feel that anything on this planet that is called “the best” of something needs at least one critic to look at beyond what is on the surface of it, even if that person does not have the means of communicating his ideas to a broader audience. I have read many things about LOST online, but very few of them were actual reviews---one is which the author analyzes the show and its elements. Most of the actual reviews I found were users on a TV-lovers website(not that I am in any way above them, but I was looking for more established reviewers). Almost all of the other postings only described the story.

Thank you to all who have continually read these and kept up with them. It has been quite a season. Let the off-season predictions begin. Until next time,

Ciao.

LOST---The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Part XIV

So I am going to go a little easier on Mr. J.J. Abrams this week because of that wonderful Star Trek movie he made. As for his television show, I do not know, and I fear I may only know by the end of the show next season. Anyway…

The Good:
1. John Locke wanting to kill Jacob, along with Jack deciding to go along with Farraday’s plan. It is about time the Losties started taking action again.

2. Hurley, Hurley, Hurley, you are wonderful yet again.

3. Miles finally got to see what really happened with his father and found out that Dr. Chang is, indeed, a good man.

4. It was really cool to finally find out how Richard was able to tell Locke that stuff.

The Bad:
1. Kate just never goes away, does she? Sawyer and Juliet had that wonderful moment, and then Kate came in and suffocated it. Is she ever going to get a chance to start looking for Clair?

2. My girlfriend pointed this one out, and after some thought I find that I agree with her: this show makes one easily hate the word “destiny”. To me, destiny is something that is purely mythological. It is something that one can feel, though it cannot be explained. This show deals heavily with “destiny”, and that adds to its intrigue. What annoys me about this show is that it is trying to define “destiny” the way Websters dictionary would. It breaks down what “destiny” is scientifically, factually. The reason this is so successful with fans is because most people do not like the word “destiny” due to the fact that it is open to interpretation. Since we live in an age where people demand answers and do not like to leave things open to interpretation and chance, having a show that explains a difficult concept like “destiny” is very helpful. What worries me is that, at the end of the show, the majority audience will decide that the LOST definition of “destiny” is the universal definition.


The Ugly:
1. I do not think that the season finale cliffhanger will be interesting this year. The writers have not set up an explosive enough situation.

2. One of my predictions is slowly coming true. Kate’s dissent and resistance to Jack’s idea shows that she believes that their lives have been better since crashing on the island. She is starting to believe that maybe stopping that plane from crashing is a bad idea.


Much thanks to my girlfriend for DVRing this episode so that I could see it. Next weeks review will probably be late like this one. This week’s episode was good, but not thrilling, and it has not set up anything too interesting for the season finale. However, that can easily be changed.

One more to go, dear friends.

Ciao.

P.S. Dharma Frilly Tutu Association.

LOST---The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Part XIII(The Son of Widmore!)

Sorry about the lateness of this review, fellow Lostians, but I was exhausted after the show on Wednesday and immediately went to bed. Do not expect this to be a particularly pleasant review because this week has been hell due to many, many things. However, most of the episode’s scorn, be it inspired from my life or otherwise, is deserved.

The Good:
1. Farraday hopelessly telling every soul in the Dharma Sack-Racers Committee that he is from the future. It was awfully cute, though bloody painful to watch.

2. Haha, Phil, you bastard.

The Bad:
1. The Lost writers managed to, once again, create a strong, lovable, and smart character in DANIEL FARRADAY! And then….absolutely…..waste him. I suppose he had to die because of “destiny” or whatever. Honestly though, he had a good deal of potential that had not been awakened yet. He was still the messenger boy, the connect-the-dots man, what with his explaining time travel, and then the hatch button and all that jazz(even though we already knew all that). He could have been so much more but no, the LOST writers have to keep things interesting by killing one of the only voices of optimism on the entire fucking show. His purpose was done. He told the Losties that oh, he was wrong before, they CAN change the past, they are the variables, and then the writers treated him like a pile of shit and threw him in the fan.

2. Dear LOST casting agents, find better child actors!

3. This episode came at an impasse in the series. Last episode kind of left the storyline at a logical point of view: most of the Losties had realized their purposes for returning to the island, but were lacking a definitive plan of action, and no such plan of action was really presenting itself on the show. The plot was at a standstill, ready to either fart out its last gas and die, boldly go into an entirely new direction, or find a convenient twist that would fuck with people’s minds. Unfortunately, the writers chose option number three and fucked up the scenario with: “My mother was wrong.” Here we go everybody, ready? HOW REMARKABLY CONVENIENT! Now that I look back on the moment, I cannot help but laugh a little because after he said that I thought to myself: “God, just die already.”

Purgatory: Okay, time to make predictions.
1. Prediction #1: Inspired by Farraday’s words and his martyrdom(I hate that word), the Losties will rise up to new levels and decide that they can cheat destiny and make new destinies for themselves, and blah blah blah all that other stuff that has to do with hero myths and destiny tales. Meanwhile, 18 million of the 20 million viewers of the show will eat all this shit up, swearing that they have never seen anything like it before; and then they’ll go watch Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Slumdog Millionaire and not understand what they’re about.

2. Prediction #2: So far, whenever a Lostie’s purpose has been fulfilled on the island, they die. That being said, the series will end with all of the Losties sacrificing themselves in an effort to save…some “large catastrophe” from happening. The only one who will live on is Walt (WAAAAAAAAAALT!). Walt will be the Storyteller, the character who learns and retains knowledge of the events, and passes it on to future generations.

3. Prediction #3: Perhaps they manage to stop the “large catastrophe” without dying. Then they are visited by some people from the far-flung future. They tell the Losties that the future they are from is in terrible shape because of the magnetic properties unleashed from the island in the “large catastrophe”. They reveal that have been manipulating the Losties along a timeline that has successfully altered the events of the past and save the world from disaster. How the magnetic properties of the island came to be is left unexplained…

The Ugly:
1. My roommate and I were discussing LOST earlier this week, and he described the show in what is probably the simplest and clearest explanation by anyone yet: “LOST gives you just enough information to get you to the next episode. It just gives you information.” Not bad for someone who has only seen six episodes of the show.

2. I then challenged my roommate by telling him that he cannot possibly consider his opinion valid having only seen six episodes of the entire series. He then asked me “why?” And even though I argued against him for a while; after some thought, I came to the conclusion that he was correct. His opinion was perfectly valid. This is because my roommate was commenting on what he had seen, not what he understood or knew about the show. And that is what I do. Each of these reviews---each theory, each critique, each joke---is a response to things I SEE in the show.


Overall, this episode lacked a good deal of interesting material. However, despite falling back onto the usual convenient mind-fuck plot twists, the characters did decide on a plan of action that looks as if it will jump-start the action again. Until next week, Lostians.

Ciao.

LOST---The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Part XII

This week's episode marked Faraday's long-awaited return to the show. However, the focus was supposed to be on Miles(short review this week).

The Good:
1. Surprisingly, Dr. Chang is featured as a pretty decent guy.

2. The Hurleyisms keep getting better and better as time goes on.

3. The arguement between Roger and Kate and Roger's suspicion of Kate. It sealed up any possibility of them getting together.

The Bad:
1. I cannot put a finger on what exactly it is, but this week's episode seemed very sterile. Hopefully, Ben will come back in the coming episodes and jump-start the conflicts again. Maybe he will use his mere footsteps this time.

The Ugly:
1. I have continued Season 3 recently, and after getting doses of both 3 and 5, in conjunction with memories of seasons 1, 2, and 4, I have come to yet another conclusion: this show would have been better as a series of novels. It already plays out like a Harlan Coben mystery, and has all the drama of "Pride and Prejudice", with a little of "Lord of the Rings"'s mythical qualities on the side. A novel form would also allow the story to be more accessible to a broader audience.

2. My judgement of the "Star Wars" bits has already been passed: I laughed. Plus, those bits pretty much speak for themselves.

Oddly enough, this episode did very little to further the plot, which is what made it very sterile. Time now for a two week hiatus from the Losties and the Dharma Sock Puppet Emporium; ciao.

LOST---The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Part XI

Much satisfaction to be had this week. Let us get right down to it.

The good:
1. Benjamin Linus did not die. Last week’s review said that I was not looking forward to this week’s episode. I said that because I had a bad feeling that Ben was going to get “smoked”(bad pun absolutely intended). That event would have dropped his overall importance to the show---past, present, and future---to zero, and would have caused more severe doubts to spring up about this shows credibility and substance.

2. When Ben told Sun and Lepidus to “look outside”, the expression on Lepidus’s face was reminiscent of the famous YouTube Dramatic Chipmunk. It was a quick cut, but still funny.

3. Penny was spared; as are the LOST writers from more of my wrath.

4. Smokey’s bit this week was originally going to land in Purgatory, but after some more serious consideration, it now lands here. The monster’s scene was nothing short of brilliant. It was exquisitely detailed and well thought out. It will probably become one of LOST’s most remembered scenes.

The bad:
1. Character consistency struck again this episode. However, this time no human was its victim; it was the character of the island(yes, I believe the island is a thinking character in this show. If you do not believe me, ask the Others). For something who has dozens of people trying to protect it, the island is a pretty ungrateful little twit. For starters, there is the fact that it spares a brute like Benjamin Linus but decides to kill good-hearted Mr. Eko, whose “unforgivable” sin was to not be sorry for choosing his own way of life rather than follow a pre-planned destiny, chosen for him by a fucking island. I daresay this little spit of land is a bit full of itself. Then, there is also the fact that everyone who comes into contact with the island, no matter what their background, suddenly wants to start a conflict; i.e. Lepidus not acting in a threatening manner and still getting smashed in the head with the blunt end of a rifle by one of the newbie’s.

2. Speaking of consistency, one must ask whatever happened to the consistency of memory on this show. In a previous episode, Farraday encounters Desmond, and Desmond wakes up several years later and suddenly remembers it. Yet, Ben does not remember any of the Losties from his younger years in the Dharma Cruddy Ass-wipers Association. One would think, though traumatized by getting shot, Ben would at least remember Sayid as a prisoner(which, perhaps, he may).

The ugly:
1. Many questions have recently been raised, by others, concerning annoying character consistencies like Jack’s annoying habit of just wanting to start conflict. One theory for this could be that the LOST writers are trying to turn some characters into archetypes. One can find archetypes throughout mythology, especially mythology dealing with destiny and/or the hero’s journey; things like the “the Wise old man” or the “Trickster”. Seeing as though LOST is beginning to identify itself as a destiny epic, creating archetypes within the story is thus appropriate. Who knows, maybe in ten years TV viewers will start describing new TV characters as “he’s a Jack” or “she’s a Kate.”

2. Sorry Caesar, and farewell for now. We will see you soon probably, in someone’s island-inspired dream.

This episode ran a huge risk of plummeting a really great Season 5 into the gutter. Avoiding that fall is another job well done. Now we move on to Miles.

Ciao.

LOST---The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Part X

I do not really know what to say, overall, about this weeks episode. It had both good and bad parts. What I will say, though, is that I did not realize until last night that Roger Linus is Uncle Rico from "Napoleon Dynamite" and that I like Jon Gries as an actor.

The good:
1. The ending of this episode was very memorable, and very well done. It made sense, and gave a slice of salvation to the character of Kate.

2. The dialogue had some rough spots from time-to-time, but remained interesting throughout. Miles's line about shooting them in the leg was quite funny. As for Hurley's denial of Miles's time travel explanation: Ben probably DOES remember and is not saying anything. If not, then he will probably remember now when he wakes up, like Desmond did earlier.

3. More Losties are coming to their senses. This time, it was Jack...which was weird.

The bad:
1. The character of Kate has officially become a waste. This weeks episode saved her slightly, but she still remains mostly a dead character. Originally, her background was very interesting, and many fans most likely found themslevs rooting for her to find happiness, both on the island, and in life. That time has past. At present, the character of Kate has become nothing more than a nuisance. Way back when, the battle of choosing between Jack and Sawyer was another element that added spice to the show; but now that her and Jack did not work and Sawyer is happy without her, Kate ending up with either of them would be an unfit end to her story. That entire sub-plot is now an annoying, stinky side story that nobody is interested in anymore(oh, and I will shoot the TV if she ends up getting together with Roger Linus). Bottom line: it would be a great decision if the writers leave the love triangle behind for good, and focus solely on Kate searching for Claire(though, in a way, that is impossible at this point).

2. In recently-aired episodes, the writers have begun to slowly break from character consistency. Unfortunately, they have not done so in any helpful at all. At least not with the character of Jack "The New Locke" Shepperd(maybe with Sawyer...maaaybe).

3. Richard says that if the Others heal Ben, he will lose all his innocence and will not ever be the same again, which is supposed to explain, in whole, why Ben becomes the way he does. If anyone would like to join me this time, go right ahead---One, two, three: HOW REMARKABLY CONVENIENT!

The ugly:

1. I forgot to do this in the first review: as most who read these know, or have already guessed, I am addicted to Star Wars. That being said, for all those people out there who are addicted/obsessed with LOST as they have never been with anything else before, I extend a hand to you; from one kind of addicted/obsessed fan to another. Welcome to the club.


This week's episode was only half as interesting as it looked, but at least it presented the possibility that Kate's character may be redeemed. We now move onto Ben, and to be honest, I am not looking forward to next weeks episode.

Ciao.

P.S.: I apologize for the ugly section being lame this week.

P.S. 2: Oh my, I almost forgot: Dharma Testing Center for Chewy Bar Cranks.

LOST---The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Part IX

Another week spent in the Dharma Organization for Advanced Studies of Explorations on Lab Experiments Association yielded an exciting episode this week, and no matter what anybody says, it was a good episode. For those who are way familiar with LOST, there is no need to explain why. For those who are not way familiar, Benjamin Linus got shot and that was, by far, LOST’s most satisfying moment up until this point. While seeing a still innocent little boy get shot in the chest and possibly die probably should not excite any moral human being, the gratification could not be ignored or pushed away.

The good:

1. Benjamin Linus got shot! This does not mean that he is dead necessarily, but it is about time that at least one of the Losties came to their senses.

2. The LOST writers returned to the flashbacks in this week’s episode. The first two seasons of the show had the flashbacks being the main method of storytelling. It is one of the smarter methods employed by the show, and while the writers tend to be hit or miss regarding certain elements of the show like use of suspense and dialogue, one of the highest achievements continues to be the intelligent use of juxtaposition, not only between flashbacks and the present, but between different character plotlines as well.

3. The dialogue had another good showing this week. It was tense but interesting, and still retained the comedic flavoring it has been developing this season.

4. The suspense has gone down to different levels. This has been happening the last couple of weeks, but took a big dive this week. Though moments like Sayid’s confession and Ben getting shot were definitely suspenseful, they appeared at climax spots in the episode, whereas in previous weeks these types of moments have appeared at random. The reason this is a good thing is because the LOST writers are now using suspense as a driving force rather than a crutch.

The bad:

1. Every week, one of the performances on the show is untidy and/or simply bad. This week, it was Horace. Doug Hutchison’s performance during Sayid’s questioning and the discussion afterwards was bland and lacking honesty. If he was attempting to show Horace’s insecurities and/or his regret of torture, then he failed due to overacting.

The ugly:

1. In 1991, the novel Heir to the Empire was published and launched the Star Wars Expanded Universe out the gate(though technically it was not the first of its kind). This elevated Star Wars from just plain films and merchandizing to a full-blown franchise. Though George Lucas must consent to each and every new novel that comes out, he has been generous and highly respects the Expanded Universe. That being said, one of the smartest moves he made while filming the prequel series was establishing a firm wall between his story and the Expanded Universe story. Though he has snuck in a few Expanded Universe references into the films, like the name “Coruscant”, he has mainly kept the film and the franchise separated, and only allows the writers to expand off what he has created rather than creating their own storylines. This way, Star Wars fans of all kinds can enjoy the films their own way.
What I fear for LOST, and other shows and movies that are similarly buying into this “franchise” craze, is that they will not keep this separation. LOST, like Star Wars and a good deal of other things, has its own wiki. It also has its own fictional commercials. Other parts of the franchise include things like LOST 2.0 and the Dharma online short films, which originally referenced the Orchid. My concern is that eventually things will start appearing on the show that watchers will have to look up online to know and understand. That will make LOST a severely elitist show, to be enjoyed only by certain people. I am not saying that this is what is happening right now, or what will definitely happen. It is just a concern I want to voice.

As an individual episode, this week’s “He’s Our You” shined.

Ciao, and remember: there’s a Dharma for everything.

P.S. A driving force keeps people interested. A crutch merely keeps them occupied.

LOST---the Good, the Bad, the Ugly: Part VIII

Well, who would have imagined a random rerun, eh? Usually television shows play a slew of reruns while newer episodes are being made, but not LOST. Anyway, this episode was kind of bittersweet. Seeing as though foreknowledge of it being an episode centered around the Dharma Frag Grenade Sniffers did not make this week too exciting, this episode was rather good.

The good:

1. If the writers suddenly decided to say “fuck all” to the plot and everything else except for Hurley, LOST would still be a great show. Hurley is much more than simply comic relief, of course, but his one liners still remain quite entertaining. “Oh….what?”

2. The writers continually get bashed in these reviews, but this week there is no grain of salt against them. This episode was very well-written. Its most impressive feat was how dramatically yet smoothly the writers implemented the surviving Losties into the Dharma Boo-Boo-Bang-Bang storyline.

3. Ben getting decked in the back of the head by Sun. That consequence for Ben was so satisfying. It actually scared me when it happened. The power of the hit was astounding.

4. People have finally started calling him “Sawyer” again. This “James” and “LeFleur” stuff was just not working.

5. Although I do hope everything works out for him in the end, it was great to finally see Jack get shut up for once.

The bad:

1. Apparently LOST is losing money. Last time I watched only seven minutes of programming between commercials was during a marathon of B horror films on the Sci-Fi channel.

2. As said before, this episode featured the Dharma Poo-Bear Industries more than any other Season Five episode yet. It upgraded Dharma’s characteristics from skilled multi-tasking to handy-dandy-extremely-conv

enient-multitool-that-does-lots-of-things-and-can-speak-any-language-yet-still-cannot-seem-to-define-to-outsiders-what-it-is-they-actually-do. And they have big parties for doped up new recruits, and houses with plumbing and electricals, and a truce with dahahdhahajsioeei….who really cares anymore.

Purgatory:

1. I know I said in previous reviews that I like what Sawyer has started to become, but I might recant that statement if the writers decide to take Sawyer’s character to a more Locke-like state, at least in terms of his relationship with Jack. Jack and Sawyer have never really gotten along, I guess, but I do not think this show needs yet another Jack-Locke relationship.

2. I love how Ben cannot even deliver food to a prisoner, even as a little kid, without freaking out every living thing within twenty miles.

The ugly:

1. In previous weeks, Abrams reduced his time-travel craze to a minimum. However, he brought back a small stack of it for this episode, and covered it with his “time-travel idea” fingerprints. He has placed different characters in different time eras, and judging by what Christian Shepherd showed to Sun, it appears that what the Losties do in the past effects the future that Sun ad Ben are in. So the question now becomes: is this the same timeline as when the Losties originally landed on the island in season one? This idea is very bothersome, for reasons I feel but cannot explain. It has to do with the whole “we know we’re going to crash on this island twenty-seven years from now so let’s warn ourselves about what’s going to happen” idea, which I personally find to be cheap(which, since it is LOST, comes as no surprise) .


This episode is a credit to the creativity of the LOST writers, though it suffers from its usual pattern of alluding to other episodes. However, that is a minor setback in this week’s installment. All of the episodes have this pattern, but of all the season five episodes so far, this one did it the least, so bravo. So now let’s watch the Losties fuck it up as usual.

 

Ciao.

LOST---The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Part VII

I suppose there comes a time in all critic’s brains where they have to take an “emissions” test. This test involves them analyzing their own thoughts and making sure that what they are saying is in agreement with what they are thinking.

This week, LOST did a number on its audience, but still came off with a bold step forward. Though last week’s episode certainly put a road block in front of the immense progress season 5 had been making in previous weeks, last night’s episode course-corrected the show’s momentum and brought season 5 up to speed.

The good:
1. Though the changes in him have been raising many questions as of late, Sawyer’s transformation has earned him a spot in the good category this week. At first, Romeo Sawyer did little to woo the audience into believing him, but last night the changed Sawyer came alive in a new light. The episode showed how the changes going on were affecting Sawyer, and showed that these effects were clearly much different than the effects on Jack and Locke. Sawyer is evolving more into a central character. Hopefully, the writers will observe what they have done with Sawyer and thus learn why breaking character consistency can strike concrete interest.

2. Seeing the doors open on that van and watching Hurley step out with Sawyer watching was very heart-warming.

3. That statue that the audience saw in the one time travel flashback looked awesome, not to mention very intriguing. It also tells us what that four-toe foot once was.


The bad:
1. The dialogue took a step back this episode. The most glaring example was Sawyer’s continuing line “As long as it takes”, which sounds like something Leslie Neilson would have said in one of the "Airplane" movies.

2. This time, the setting was full of Dharma people, and seeing the Losties in them did not renew my faith in the Dharma Ear-Packers League. Why couldn’t the island have landed somewhere else?

3. Seeing Dharma and the Others talking about truces only reminded me of the war mentioned in the previous episode, and the reminder was not very reassuring. Though originally I thought this war would not be a full scale, kill-all kind of war, this episode increased my suspicions that it could turn into exactly that, with the Others wielding an army of smoke monsters, and the Dharma Puffballs Club whipping out homemade versions of the AT-AT Walker from "The Empire Strikes Back". I tell you this not because I honestly believe that that will happen, but because this is the only solution I can think of that would actually be interesting to watch. I don’t trust J.J. Abrams with managing a fictional war.

The ugly:
1. Since the fifth season has picked up its momentum again, I had to dig deep inside my critical mind this week to see if I was resisting any niggling doubts about my treatment of LOST. I find that my thoughts about the show remain solid. I still think it is a good show that needs to change at its fundamental level. Plus, I decided after much investigating that I was still doing a good job of criticizing what I see on LOST. What I think of LOST has stayed the same since the beginning of season 5, but what I see changes from week-to-week, and that is what I comment on most in these reviews.

Nice episode this week. The story was good, the flashbacks were not confusing, and the character work here was nothing short of brilliant. Now that the reunion here, lets see what these “chosen ones” do next.

Ciao.

LOST---The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Part VI

Okay, so here we are again, and our friend LOST is with us too, back with….

Fuck.

Why do I even bother writing these reviews? That is what LOST made me think about this week. And I mean it; I kept asking myself on the way home, amidst my thoughts and ideas for this review: why the fuck do I keep writing these?

Sorry, but this week I may come off a little more irritated than usual. I’m a little sick and I fucking hate feeling sick.

Anyway, let’s start over:

Okay, so here we are again, and our friend LOST is with us too, back with its usual consistencies. I actually missed the first five minutes of this week’s episode, because of callbacks for The Alchemist, in which the director decided to get done with a majority of the bit-part callbacks in the first hour-and-a-half but chose to shove the bit-part I was called back for until second-to-fucking-last. Luckily, Pete informed of what I missed, which kicks off the good section this week.

The good:

1. Locke did not stay dead! He’s vital to the show so I figured they wouldn’t kill him off; but I was still worried for a bit.

2. The “war” statement; the creators actually made a twist….genuinely surprising. However, that’s just one half of the “war” statement. Second half will be featured in the “bad” section.

3. Walt!

The bad:

1. This is more of an assumption than anything, but I get the feeling we’re going to see extraterrestrials make themselves known on this show in the future. The thing that triggered the thought this time was when Widmore said “my people protected that island for three decades”. Everytime Widmore or Ben say “my people”, it sounds more and more like they are talking about an alien species. Maybe that subject belongs more in “Purgatory” then “bad” but I’m getting sick of TV shows falling back on aliens.

2. What the fuck is up with J.J. Abrams? The man can’t seem to create a good television show unless it has a fucking war in it at some point. Really? There’s really going to be a fucking war in this one too? ::sigh:: okay, I need to tell you all a story about a little series known as Star Trek: Enterprise, which Abrams himself produced. In the first season, the audience is introduced to an Enterprise crew member named Daniels, who we find out is actually a time-traveler from the future. Daniels tells the Enterprise crew about something called the Temporal Cold War, which is a war that is being fought through space/time. The Temporal Cold War was featured in a few episodes over the first, second, and third season but then became the primary focus when the fourth(and final) season opened. In that premiere, the Enterprise crew returns to Earth, only to find that an enemy faction from the Temporal Cold War has gone back in time and helped the Nazi’s take over the world, thus threatening Star Trek’s entire future. And so on and so forth: the Enterprise crew rallies the defeat them and restore the timeline and Daniels ends up getting killed, an event that was celebrated by Star Trek fans everywhere. The point of all this is that it appears Abrams might be trying to do something similar here. I mean, we already have a time-traveling island, a good deal of aggressive conflict and some strange, STRANGE people. And the question now is why would he want to do this bloody…thing? I mean, sometimes war works in TV shows, but I just have a bad feeling about there being a war on LOST.

3. This episode reiterated just about everything. The reason why I asked myself “why do I write these reviews” is because if nobody saw at least a majority of the blatant, boring consistencies I’ve been pointing out for the last six weeks---in this episode---, than we are apparently not watching the same show.
Did we really need to see yet another fight between Jack and Locke? Yes, we know nobody is going to believe Locke; WE KNEW THAT BACK IN THE FOURTH SEASON! No, Locke is not just a lonely old man, there is a destiny for him that has to do with the island; we already fucking know that. Oh yes, and will he eventually succeed in getting everybody back to the island? Gee, I don’t know THAT one….
I get why the writers decided to write this episode, and yes the part with Ben at the end was interesting and very important, but these “fluff” episodes just get in the way.

The ugly:
1. Short ugly section this week. I find that as I reflect on these reviews; yes, I may be a little harsh, and am probably overthinking the show a little bit, but its because I like it so much that I criticize it so much. One of the many reasons why I decided to continue with these reviews after the first week is because of J.J. Abrams. Being a huge ST fan, I am very familiar with Abrams’s creativity, and I know he’s got more in him than this. And I know that these reviews will never reach his eyes and, even if they did, would not change a thing; but like I said, Abrams was just “one of many reasons”.

This week’s episode took a huge step backwards even though parts of it were really interesting. However, this was just a “fluff” episode, so I’m not too worried. But now its time to get prepared for the “war” that’s coming by dunking my head into a pile of kitty litter and screaming until the “war” is over, or until Abrams decides to stop continually beating his collection of dead horses.


Ciao.

P.S. Dharma Pus and Beans Industry.

LOST---the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Part V---With Special Guest Purgatory!

So this week, LOST felt like the Road Runner, in that the plot sped up and got the Oceanic 6 back to the destination quickly(as promised). The dialogue remained pretty much okay this time around, and the only thing that was a plague here were the same consistencies as always. Moving right along:

The good:

1. Frank Lapidus looked healthy and rather optimistic with his clean-shaven, innocent face. What I liked about his appearance in this episode is that his bit did what I have been begging these writers to make the whole show do for weeks now: get on with it! I must admit when Jack approached him and looked as though he was about to tell him everything, I thought Frank would resist the idea and a wrestling match at the helm of the plane between him and Jack would ensue. And while that plot strangely teases my mind in a good way, I’m glad it did not go that route, and Frank simply accepted his circumstances.

2. Jack and Locke’s not-so-routine “meeting” in the cooler. The energy of that scene was just fucking awesome, not to mention Jack’s comedic insecurity.

3. Maybe I do not remember too much from the first three seasons, but it seems as if the recent two seasons are opening up more to humor. These last few episodes have certainly had their shinier, partly-sunny-rather-than-p

artly-cloudy moments of laughs. One thing I do really like about LOST is how it has always managed to avoid becoming a depressing tragedy.

The bad:

1. Why the fuck do these writers insist on character consistency? Aren’t they allowed to grow even a little bit? Jack: “So we’re just supposed to hope it all goes right?” Yes, Jack, yes! For Christ’s sake, are you seriously going to go on like this? After four-and-a-half seasons of weird skeletons, time-traveling islands, smoke monsters, and pushing a button Jack is still going “Well, I don’t know…”. I think the LOST writers needs to make a special needs recap just for Jack.

2. Jin in a Dharma Englelbert Slapdyback Humperdinck Association uniform. That means that we’re going to see more of that wonderful, show-destroying organization in future episodes, which I’m not looking forward to.

3. If Ben killed Penny, then I am going to kill the writers in revenge.

The ugly:

1. One of things that Justin’s article suggested about LOST is that the show is about the “meaning of existence.” I think one of the reasons I find LOST to be ugly sometimes is that it occasionally goes against the set of beliefs I have on the meaning of existence. But bear with me here, I will explain why LOST is a bit of a bastard in its OWN right if it is indeed after the meaning of existence. And it boils down to simply: What about the other people on the plane, the ones that died? Both planes? What about the pilot that got smitten by Smokey? Did the island really kill them because they were not needed to fulfill other people’s supposed “destinies”? I find this presentation of the “meaning of existence” very disturbing; for one because I’m afraid that people will take it mean that some people are more important than others(as if our society needs more people like that). I may be thinking too much into this idea, but I figure if a show is probing the “meaning of existence” then it wants to be taken seriously. I hope that doesn’t happen in this case.

2. LOST seems to be suffering from a very contagious disease called Multiple Importance Disorder. It mainly afflicts the writers, taking away their ability to create subtleness, and causing them to build temples to honor every story-telling aspect of their show. This time it was Locke’s letter. We all knew its content was going to be interesting, so why just have Jack open it in the cooler instead of heightening its importance only to have it be something completely redundant? We already know Jack’s character refuses to do things he is afraid of, so why not have him find some courage the first time around instead of waiting for something, or somebody, to convince him? This is what I’m talking about when I say to hell with character consistency. We’ll believe the changes, don’t worry.

Purgatory:
This category might only be temporary. It’s for things like that hydrogen bomb that appeared a few episodes ago: things about LOST that I’m not quite sure about yet.

1. Desmond Crazy Eyes. I guess some can say that the actor was really into his character, but was any one else freaked out by how bulbous his eyes got when he was talking to Jack?

2. Ben praying. He never struck me as a religious fellow. He’s a leader, not a follower. Although that surprise twist might be good for Ben’s character.

3. The whole electromagnetic pocket thing in that room with the pendulum. It reminded me of Lay Lines(sorry if I spelled that wrong), something my friend Jackie told me about a couple years ago that has more to do with the spirit world than the real one. Hopefully, the LOST writers will fill us in on why the Dharma Sex Education for Polar Bears College wants to find these magnets so badly. If it turns out to be a “take over the world” ploy, I’m going to be really pissed.

Overall, this episode was very well done, though not as good as some of the previous season 5 episodes have been. The good news, though, is that it starting to move along much quickly than before.

Ciao.

LOST---The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Part IV

Quick addition to make onto last week’s review; I did mean to mention Jin’s return in the “good” category. The thought got lost among others while writing the review(sorry sorry sorry). I am very glad the writers did not decide to kill him off.

Alienating people? Nobody forces you to read my reviews, nor do I force you to believe them, so if you decide that you do not want to read my reviews, then you have alienated yourself. I am only responsible for what I say and do. I am not responsible for your reactions to what I say and do. Saying that it is my fault if you choose not to read my reviews is fundamentally the same as saying that it is a girl’s fault for getting raped---and I know my friends well enough to know they do not believe that shit.

If the reason you like LOST is because it keeps your attention then I’m glad for you. All I’m saying is that there are multiple ways of capturing attention besides repeating the same technique every episode.

Okay, now onto the review:

All right, glad to know it is getting interesting and worthwhile again. For once, the dialogue in this episode was actually pretty good, and somewhat entertaining; and halle-fucking-luyah-bring-

out-the-Neapolitan-band-and-start-the-tarantella the writers are not going to spend all of season five on just convincing everyone to get back onto the island! That was a fucking relief to finally learn.

The good:

1. “First, a boat. Then a helicopter. Next thing you know, he’s going to start talking about a submarine.” Haha: yes that was very good.

2. “Ben told me to watch after his people.” “And when has listening to him ever been worth a damn?” Haha again: finally, someone is starting to force the Losties to accept the truth.

3. Ben finally speaking out. I like it because it is part of what I have been saying about changing the fundamentals, even though Ben did go back to being his normal self afterwards.

The bad:

1. That French guy getting his arm pulled off. I don’t know why, but the way it was presented was just…bland. One funny aspect of it though “Help me please! I’m hurt!” Really? You think? One other thing, if where he lost his arm was right next to the temple, why didn’t “Smokey the monster” attack the Losties when they came upon the spot in the first season, and why didn’t Danielle tell them about the temple at all then too? Then again, having that guy lose his arm then and there could have been the whole course-correcting thing again. What a convenient device!

2. Speaking of Danielle; though it was nice to see her again, I have no idea what her significance to this episode was. I mean, I guess Jin had to get rescued somehow and Danielle’s boat seemed the perfect bridge for that, but other than that it all seemed pointless. The temple could have been shown to us in a much quicker, to-the-point fashion…::sigh:: sorry, I almost forgot, it’s LOST.

3. Miles: “How did she know to lead us here?” Charlotte(on another part of the island): “I’ve been on this island before; I lived here…” Again, how REMARKABLY convenient. On a different note, I am somewhat sad to Charlotte go. I was starting to like her character, even though she was a text book case of a damsel in distress in that dramatic, “Oh no, I’ve fainted!” kind of way. And I wanted to see Daniel happy, because as we get deeper into the season, he’s becoming more depressive. Oh yes, and it appears even Charlotte has something to do with the fucking Dharma Platypus Cloning Industry.

The ugly:

1. I was going to talk about how this show has seemed to turn “the universe” into it’s own character, but the writers have explained how the island keeps moving through time and it does not appear to be the universe leading it. Despite this, the universe still seems to have a mind of its own, which gives the creeps in a very bad way. The reason the island keeps moving through time is because Ben got the donkey wheel stuck; which makes me wonder why nobody has not just killed him yet; somebody either dies, somebody gets hurts, or the entire space/time continuum gets fucked up every time Ben so much as breathes on something.

2. The last review sparked a little debate over whether or not LOST’s uncanny habit of getting people to come back every week makes the show good. So I decided to do some extra research. This past week I went around asking people one question: simply because a show makes you want more, does that make that show good? The consensus was that it made the show entertaining. When I reiterated the question of “does that make the show good?”, the answer was either “I don’t know” or some not-straightforward-answer that might as well have been “I don’t know.” Then, I asked my roommate, and he agreed that that aspect of the show made it entertaining. When I then asked if that made it good, his answer brought up a point that no one else had considered. He told me to “think into the future. LOST is over. Would you go back and watch any of the episodes over again?” I thought about it for a minute.

No. No, I probably wouldn’t. And, if I may be so bold as to speak for the rest of the fans, I don’t think anybody else will either. Keep in mind, I’m talking about watching and enjoying individual, random episodes. That is almost impossible to do with LOST, because all each episode of LOST does is allude to OTHER episodes of LOST. There’s nothing really enjoyable about any individual episode of this show. One has to have seen previous episodes to even find it interesting. And I guess that is not so terrible, but it does raise a severe concern---well, let me put it this way: I encourage you who enjoy LOST to keep enjoying it while it lasts, because it will not survive the test of time. One of the reasons that TV shows like MASH, Friends, Seinfeld, and Boy Meets World still remain popular to this day is because their content is unconditional. LOST is not that way, therefore it will be forgotten, eventually by even its oldest fans.

Not what some people wanted to hear, I’m sure, but it could happen. I do cut LOST some slack here, though. It really is one of the first TV shows of its kind, and being the first is not always easy. I respect it, and I still watch it so it does retain a small chunk of my heart. I do not what to see the show go up in a pile of flames. I want to see it survive the test of time. Too bad it is probably going to be a one hit wonder.

Ciao.

LOST--The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Part III

First off, let me set the record straight for those of you who think I take joy in ripping LOST apart. I love LOST and do think it is one of the better shows that has come out in recent years. I may rip it apart sometimes, but I do that if I think it deserves it, and quite frankly speaking the season 5 premiere deserved everything it got for reasons I’ve already explained. I do nit-pick and I do criticize things that are absurd and may not end up being important, but seeing as though I’m a critic, albeit an amateur one, it would kind of defeat the point if I didn’t do that. I could just sit on this computer and go “it sucks!” or “its great!” and just highlight all the feelings that make me flowery or dead inside, but I like thinking critically and hope you do as well. It’s not like anything I say is going to effect anything the writers do. Hell, I could be reviewing for the New York Times and they still wouldn’t give a shit. I write these reviews mainly because LOST is the only TV show I set aside time for, and also because I was told that to be a good writer of anything, you have to continually keep writing every chance you get, and LOST gives me a platform to keep doing that on. Perhaps if I ever set aside time to watch something else like “House” or “Fringe” I would criticize those too.
I’m not trying to be mean when I review LOST because, like I said, I do like it. But as someone who has seen what LOST is trying to do and has seen in done better(not just in Star Trek or Star Wars but well beyond those franchises), I can honestly say that it needs improvement. It needs to stop being in denial and evolve. Some of you may mention the fact that the flashbacks are now flash forwards and the Oceanic Six that are off the island as examples of change on the show, but those changes are not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about change at the fundamental levels of the show. The mystery/suspension/mind games have lasted a very long time and have served LOST well, but now it’s time to tell them that they’ve overstayed their welcome and kick them out; or at least reduce their role. The writers already have enough mysteries to last them a fifth and sixth season, so lay that to rest and try something else. If you need an example of what I mean, then go back and look at MASH, one of the most successful primetime drama’s of all time. It was unique because it evolved over time, starting out as a sitcom and turning into a domestic comedy, all while still remaining popular. It changed at the fundamental level, and its loyal fanbase was kind enough to follow it. That’s the beauty of having a great fanbase; they’ll give you second, third, and fourth chances before blowing you off.
    And I guess that is kind of mean, because if LOST did change that stuff, then it wouldn’t quite be LOST anymore. But that’s one of the tricky parts of television, isn’t it? Can you take an established show and transform it into something else and still have it be liked by the same fans? It’s been done before.
And so, to close this portion I am going to ask those who read these reviews to please go back and read the previous ones so I don’t have to keep repeating that I LIKE LOST. Yes, I don’t treat it like it’s the Holy Trinity of all television shows like the rest of the 20 million viewers, but I do that because I personally don’t think it is. That show borrows ideas from so many other things that it would probably blow your minds if you knew. However, much to my tearful, tearful dismay, most of what it borrows from is other science fiction, a genre that only certain people like, and which is going to need a civil rights movement before anyone rates it alongside the more popular genres.

That was the disclaimer. Now to the review:

LOST’s streak of solidity now improves to two consecutive episodes, a milestone of the just-blooming fifth season. While most of the good things actually occurred in the episode this time, most of the bad things remained the same. It just never ends, does it…

The good:

1. Sawyer’s line to the heavens both before and after the island jumped was fucking hilarious, reminding the audience of the Sawyer from the good old days of the first three seasons. Since then, he seems to have become a lot more mellow than normal, and quite one dimensional. At times he almost reminds me of Jack, which I shudder at.

2. The time travel jumps were actually interesting this time around, mainly because the writers seems to be going in the direction I had hoped they would: showing the audience the island’s past.

The bad:
1. If I have to hear one more cheesy line from the Dharma Dialogue Slaughterhouse for Screenwriters, I’m going to choke myself to death.

2. The acting is starting to get a little sour, though that may be the writers’ fault. The good news is that the actors do know what’s going to happen next in the episode. Now if they would only stop revealing it too soon through their acting, that would be great.

3. If you looked up “contradiction” in the dictionary right now, you would probably see the LOST logo taking up the whole page. Once again, the question of moving through time has created more of a headache than before. According to Daniel, the people who are going with the island when it jumps are not supposed to be able to alter anything in the past or interact with it. If that is so, then how the fuck did the Losties interact with the people from the fifties, and Daniel with Desmond? An explanation that I’ve been hearing is that this has something to do with something mentioned in the third season about the universe course-correcting itself, and that does make sense to a certain degree; the moment the Losties come upon something from the past---like themselves---they are immediately removed from that time and placed into another. However, that theory of course-correcting has a major flaw in it: if the universe has to course-correct the Losties by removing them from “when” they are, then that means that the universe must be controlling the island’s time movements; which begs me to ask: if the universe is supposed to divert them from interrupting the past then why the fuck did it put them there in the first place?

The ugly:

1. I really wish people would stop trying to explain this show to me, because those people fail to understand why part of me abhors this show, and part of me abhors this show BECAUSE IT HAS TO BE EXPLAINED TO ME. Normally, good television shows lets their viewers take away whatever they want from them, usually because those television shows have in them many things that appeal to different people. LOST doesn’t have that. LOST has suspension, mind-games, and mystery, and that is pretty much bloody it at this point(this recent episode almost went back to character for a moment, but then the time travel plot took over again). One has to follow the rules of the show in order to like it, which is absolutely ridiculous. However, I can see how that would be appealing. It means one doesn’t have to actually think to watch the show. It’s the perfect set-up: draw a large audience in with suspension, one of the most universal and simplest forms of entertainment, then keep them coming back by simply creating mystery on top of mystery. That way, everyone is so wrapped up in anticipation of what’s going to come next that they don’t even care if that’s the only appealing thing about the show. In the end, all they have to do to enjoy the show is to simply watch it, which I guess is reasonable since it IS television. Nevertheless, it is still a cheap but effective way of drawing immense crowds and knocking out any and all competition. Advocates of the show severely disagree with me on this point, claiming that the show is designed to help exercise the viewers’ critical minds; but I find this argument very funny, mainly because those advocates can come to conclusions of why LOST is one of the greatest television shows of all time, but for some reason they can’t seem to wrap their heads around why it is not, which is funny considering the show is supposed to make them THINK.

2. After watching this episode, I’ve discovered that LOST has a characteristic about it that somewhat shakes my foundation a little bit(besides the Dharma Loveboats and Pillows Foundation). I find that LOST is uncriticizable. Not that it is “perfect” or the “worst-thing-ever”, but that it literally cannot be criticized because nobody knows what the fuck is going on. You can’t look at the show and say “well this thing was good” or “that thing was bad” because you can’t identify what that “thing” is or why it’s happening or what it has to do with anything. I’ve read some websites reviews of this show, and almost none of them actually criticize the show; they merely explain what happens in it and avoid analyzing it whatsoever. It’s a clever avoidance trick by the writers, though it makes me want to punch something. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop writing these reviews, though. I’ll do my best with whatever I have. But this little aspect of the show is one I find to be quite unnerving, because, once again, LOST robs you of any free will you have, and you must watch it the way IT wants to watch it, which I find to be cheap and stupid.


In conclusion, my interest in this season is growing stronger at this point, and the episodes only look like they’re going to get better. Though fundamentally the show hasn’t changed, suspension is nevertheless always going to overpower my critical, thoughtful mind, because I’m addicted to watching other people’s drama thinking “god, I wish my life was this exciting”; just like every other human being alive. However, one fantastic thing about LOST is that it has just about turned into a science fiction show, which means that all those who watch it religiously are now all science fiction geeks, whether they want to be or not :-D.

ha ha ha ha ha ha HA.

Ciao

P.S. Just because a show leaves you wanting more of it doesn’t mean it’s good.

LOST---The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Part II

All right, all right so maybe I was a little bit harsh on the LOST team last review, but frankly speaking they deserved it for that D+ flop of a season premiere. Though it can't be said that they made up for it in the second episode, it can at least be said that the second episode was pretty damn good. However, that praise might a little false-positive, mainly because the things that were good were the things that the writers left out of this episode.

The good:

1. Not once was the Dharma Seagull Poop Recovery Service mentioned.

2. The episode stayed on the island for the most part, only leaving it to follow Desmond's story. In other words, they stayed away from the Oceanic Six and Ben this time; a.k.a. the people who are all going to end up on the island anyway.

3. The writers finally answered more questions than they asked this time. For starters, the audience finally found out how Charles Whit??? is involved with the island in the first place, and also why Richard went to visit Locke when he was little. (Okay, I know his name is Widmore, people, relax)

4. Sawyer finally kept his shirt on.

The bad:

1. Daniel experimenting with sending rat brains through time? Really? Rat brains? Through time?

2. Desmond's hippie outfit when he went to visit Oxford. The viewers of LOST already have enough on their plate without having to figure out why the characters dress a certain way.

The ugly:

1. "I was wondering when somebody was going to find out that we weren't really fumigating in here." Fail; you fail as writers!

2. Okay LOST team, make up your minds: is the island really moving like you showed the audience in season 4, or are just the Losties on it? You've shown both happening and can't seem to swallow your pride, put the blindfold on, and pick one.

3. The hydrogen bomb: Not sure if this really deserves to be in the ugly category. While it does heighten the stakes a little bit, as well as harass this poor little island with yet another menacing device, the H-bomb seems a bit too...important. I don't know about the rest of the audience, but if I knew there was an H-bomb buried somewhere on the island, I'd be much more concerned about that than anything else.

All in all, good episode, and definitely a big improvement from last week, albeit for inverted reasons. Pete is letting me borrow season 3 of LOST on DVD, so in the meantime I'll do my best to catch up and see if the reason I didn't like this season to begin with is because I missed season 3. Early answer to that question is:

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ooooooooooooooooooooo.

Ciao.

LOST---The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Season 5

Let’s start with the good stuff.

1. The writers wasted no time in sticking with the people on the island. Usually on TV shows when something drastic happen to a group of people, it takes several hours of TV before the audience finds out was happened, and I was originally worried that that is what would have happened here, but thankfully it didn’t.

2. Neal’s death was fucking awesome! As was Locke’s rescue at the end.

3. Hurley’s comedic side remained intact. With all the seriousness that has suddenly tripled in the LOST series, at least the writers had the decency to keep Hurley’s antics very entertaining…….hehe “I love Shi-zhus.”

The bad stuff.

1. Enough with the fucking suspension ploys. If it’s obvious, then quit taking up time trying to make it mysterious. If we all knew it was Sun, and let’s face it we all did, then why just fucking say it’s Sun from the very first moment Kate picked up that phone? Is us not knowing who was on that phone significant to anything in that episode? No. So get the fuck on with it. This also goes for the very beginning, when they spent two long minutes focusing on the gray hair and ass of that guy from the Dharma videos before revealing him, even though we all knew who it was. Now people will say that that’s how they’ve begun almost every season of LOST, but they did that with characters that hadn’t been introduced yet, which made it more interesting than doing it with someone who we all know.

2. “God help us all.” Yeah, because THAT line hasn’t been used in every drama since the fifties. Same thing with characters making ghastly realizations of something terrible by bulging their eyes until they practically fall out.

3. I don’t know about anybody else, but I am fucking sick of the Dharma Institute.

4. LOST is so unpredictable that that IS what’s predictable about it. I had hoped that by this time, the writers would have moved on from that paradox. But no, they keep plowing on as if nobody seems to know their dastardly little secret.

5. Some of the dialogue was thoroughly laughable. “I have to find out where we are(dramatic pause) in time.”

6. Other mysterious things that were unnecessary: A. Ethan’s appearance. Great to see him but a scene that could have been cut. B. While I’m sure the women viewers got incredibly hot when they saw Sawyer go without a shirt on for three-fourths of an episode, I’m sure the ever-creative writers could have found something for that group other than going around the island complaining about wanting to go back to the beach until the island finally shifted in time again.

7. ::sigh:: Okay, so having the island be able to shift through time is a very
interesting twist, I will admit. At first, I was excited. Now, seeing how they have
abused that twist is making it just plain stupid. Having time travel in a single episode is always dangerous; making it the central feature of an entire show is simply not smart. I feel as though I can say with a good deal of expertise because I am a Star Trek fan, and at least 20%, if not more, of all Star Trek episodes have dealt with the idea of time travel. Hell, the entire story arc of the third season of Star Trek: Enterprise was about time travel, and many fans just found it ridiculous(Star Trek: Enterprise was another J.J. Abrams project, ironically enough). The problem with time travel is that it raises way too many questions about linearity. It’s especially annoying in this case, when the island doesn’t stop moving through time, and just keeps randomly going back and forth at its own leisure. It can’t seem to pick a direction, which looks like someone is controlling is; but we know for a fact that at present-time in the show, nobody is. Bottom line, if the audience is has to ask too many questions, they will eventually lose interest. Time travel is a dangerous thing to toy with on television because so little is known about it.

The ugly

1. LOST started out with two great elements. The first were the characters and their stories. The second were how the stories interconnected and the relationships between all the people on that island. They were destined to meet, and the most fascinating thing to watch was how they got there and what they will do next. There is a third element, the mysteries and unpredictable turns---but again, once one realizes the unpredictability paradox, the mysteries lose their appeal. Which moment did you like better: when you found out another secret of the Dharma institute, or when Penny and Desmond were reunited at last? What on Earth made these writers think that what they had originally wasn’t gold? The first two seasons of that show were amazing. Yes, there were mysterious things on that island, but they weren’t the main focus. The characters were the main focus, developed with good writing and interesting pasts, and they all needed each other and they all helped each other. Then they got to the third and fourth seasons and suddenly it became about the stupid little Dharma Institute and about how Ben Linus and Charles Whitlow are bastards. And the fifth season doesn’t look like it’s going to be any different. LOST has strayed away from the stuff that made it great and instead trying to cough up a “gripping” plot, which it never had in the first place and doesn’t need.

2. These writers seem have to problems when it comes to recognizing what people are going to pay attention to more. From what I’ve seen of the fifth season, it looks as though the entire season is going to be spent just rounding up everyone to get back onto the island. If that continues to be the case, then I’m going to skip the entire fifth season and then tune back in for season 6, because we all know they’re going to end up back on the island. If they didn’t then the show would end. So quit stalling and let’s go. I don’t fucking care how they manage to get everybody back together(I know I said I love the characters on this show, and I do. That’s why I’m pissed at the writers, because they introduced something into the show that’s made me care less about the characters). I don’t care because a fucking island just moved! In time! Who the fuck cares about what everybody on the mainland does? Who cares if Hurley doesn’t want to go with Ben? Who cares if Sun wants to kill Ben? Who the fuck cares about what any of these people are going to do since they can’t die and are all going to end up on the island anyway? An entire fucking island just moved! Let’s focus on that, the more interesting part of the show. We’re going to hopefully find out how it moved, but I doubt it’s going to be in season five. So like I said, if this whole stalling ploy continues, I’ll wait around until season 6. I’ll go watch reruns of Avatar: The Last Airbender, a Nickelodeon show that my roommate’s got me hooked on. It’s also a show that LOST could learn a few things from about good storytelling.

3. When people watch TV, they don’t just want to sit there and do nothing. Have you over gone over to a friends house and they sat by as they played a one player video game for hours on end(my girlfriend can attest to this, embarrassingly enough)?
You get bored really quickly, because you’re not doing anything. You’re not engaged. The audience of a television show wants to feel like they’re in the show, even if they know they’re not. Come on, admit it, there have been times when you watch TV when you want to give advice to one of the characters, or fight alongside a hero of yours. The audience wants to participate or at least feel like they are, and the writers of LOST have just about taken that away from them. LOSTpedia, LOST2.0, and all that other stuff ABC has put out doesn’t count because it’s not the actual show. Maybe those things are pretty good at engaging LOST viewers, but the show itself is not. To go off on a slight tangent here, a big part of President Obama’s successful campaign what that he said things like “Yes, we can.” He asked his voters to participate; he asked them to help him and the government out. Meanwhile, McCain and Palin went around the country telling people how they’re going to protect the American people, and boost American healthcare, and jumpstart the American economy---basically the government is going to do everything and us Americans will have to do nothing. Obama won because he inspired people to engage themselves, which is what people like to do. LOST is taking up people’s time and not letting them get involved in the actual show, mainly because a lot of people are so damn confused that it’s not even worth the effort anymore. I’ll bet anyone 1,000 bucks that the writers have no clue how they’re going to end this. It shows badly.

All this being said, I still have faith in LOST. Five episodes into the first season I didn’t like it, but I gave it time and it turned itself around. So maybe that will happen in the fifth season and all this will be moot. We shall see.

Here are some things that I wish for LOST:
1. Realize that we’re not laughing with you, we’re laughing at you. That whole thing where Hurley’s mom wasn’t getting anything Hurley was saying was a very pathetic attempt by the writers to say “hey, we understand your concerns.” Nobody cares.

2. Go back to focusing on the two great elements. Please.

3. Come up with ideas that aren’t the equivalent of simply dangling something shiny in front of the audiences’ faces.

4. Realize that the Dharma Institute is a pointless piece of crap that has completely destroyed your show and find a way to remove it entirely.


Ciao everybody.